Instruction on Marriage
7 Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to live a celibate life. 2 But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.
3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.
5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. But God gives to some the gift of marriage, and to others the gift of singleness.
8 So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. 9 But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.
1 Corinthians 7:1-9 (NLT)
This passage all comes down to the question Paul was apparently asked by the Corinthian Church: "Is celibacy superior to marriage?" Paul says yes, no, and maybe!Let's go verse-by-verse:
Vs. 1 - It is better to be single & celibate
Vs. 2 - It is better to be married than immoral
Vs. 3 - Celibacy is wrong for married couples
Vs. 4 - Marriage is about fulfilling your spouse physically
Vs. 5 - If you "fast" from intimacy in marriage, make it mutual and temporary
Vs. 6-7 - Celibacy and singleness is a gift, but so is marriage
Vs. 8 - It is better to be single & celibate
Vs. 9 - It is better to marry than to struggle with immorality
I suppose this passage is not as radical as it sounds at first read. Paul is not contradicting himself. Instead he is living in two realities: good and better. Marriage is good and a gift from God. Singleness is better for those who can handle it.
Paul was able to spend all his time, focus, and energy serving God because he was single. He didn't see his singleness as a hindrance. He wasn't longing for a wife. He was grateful that he could devote 100% to the work of God.
Where is my loyalty? What am I 100% dedicated to? Since I am married, do I give only 50% to God? Is my allegiance split? What about you - what is your status? Single, married, remarried? Do you wish you were married? Do you wish you were single? There are pros and cons for each.
To the single, there is a saying: "Better to single and wish you weren't, than to be married and wish you weren't!" God will gift some with marriage, others with singleness. Learning contentment is a great challenge.
It is interesting to notice that moral purity is the expected outcome for both single and married. If marriage is really supposed to be a solution to sexual needs, why is there so much cheating? Why don't people find fulfillment in marriage? Why don't people find fulfillment in singleness?
How come purity is going the way of the dinosaur? A young lady in our class told me last night that she is treated like a nun at work because she is a virgin. She is pure, and to most that is strange! Welcome to Paul's world!!!
What does this passage teach you? Any insights?
3 comments:
any thoughts, questions, comments? let's get a discussion going here!!!
Just so you know, The New Living Translation has removed "the gift of singleness" from 1 Cor 7:7. The online version now reads:
"But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another."
There's no such thing as "the gift of singleness". Verse 7 was simply Paul's way of saying, this is what I prefer (perhaps because he was gifted with a passion for a mission that exceeded his desire for marriage), but we're not all the same (we are each gifted differently, which makes us desire different things).
What's more, Paul was NOT making a statement that singleness is better than marriage. Verse 1 does not say that (verse 2 basically states the norm that each man should have a wife and each woman should have her own husband). The NLT also deviated by translating that it's "better to stay unmarried" in verse 8, since most translations use "good" instead of "better". Later in the chapter (verse 26), Paul endorses remaining single "for the sake of the present distress", but this is not an endorsement of singleness for all time!!
Although a very good thing designed by God, marriage was also never meant to be regarded as a gift. Verse 8 and 9 present singleness and marriage in terms of personal choice, not as things that you "wait on the Lord" or "wait for word from the Lord" for, this is emphasized elsewhere in the chapter: in verse 25 "no commandment from the Lord", verse 28 "if you do marry, you have not sinned", verse 36 "do as he wants", verse 39 "marry whomever she wishes". Human initiative and choice in terms of marriage and singleness are reinforced elsewhere in the Bible: He who FINDS a wife FINDS a good thing And obtains favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22), "made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 19:12).
Unfortunately, "the gift of singleness" has resulted in a "rogue theology" that overspiritualizes marriage and singleness, creating confusion about whether it's okay to desire and pursue marriage. I understand that there's a lot of good intentions behind it, that it's all about taking the pressure off of singles and making them feel valued and included. But it actually works against the vast majority who want to marry, by holding up unrealistic (and highly modern) standards of having to achieve some kind of contentment with singleness nirvana, or you're somehow spiritually inferior. When, as you can see from 1 Cor 7:2 (and Genesis 2:18), God designed men and women to be together.
As much as we need to encourage single adults in the church, we need to do so without patronizing them, and we can start by working together to restore the ordinariness of marriage that Christians have historically enjoyed.
hey gortexgrrl,
thanks for your thoughtful comments. you provided us some excellent thoughts to chew on. this next week we will discuss the whole issue of the "gift" of singleness and marriage from scripture. do you know of any other passages that might shed some light on this?
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